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Last week, I was pretty certain my mom was going to die. This shouldn't be a surprising revelation, especially not 16 years in to this dogshit disease, but there I was, numb and stupefied by the thought. Alzheimer's is especially cruel like that--once you accept the latest loss of your loved one at the hands of this disease, once you get comfy with navigating whatever the new "normal" looks like, another thread in the human fabric begins to unravel and there you are, bracing

Not much to say today; I just really miss you is all. #grievingdaughter #grieving #grief #griefsupport #griefjourney #endalz #earlyonsetalz #earlyonsetalzheimersdisease #earlyonsetalzheimers #alzheimerscaregiver #alzheimersawareness #alzheimers #alzheimersdisease

"By locating our consciousness in only one biological oscillator, the brain, we have blinded ourselves to perceptions that have been common to human beings since they emerged from this Earth. In gaining a reductionist understanding of the world, we lost touch with the essential nature of the Earth and ourselves… How much of life have I wasted by believing the thing I was taught, that thinking is what makes us better, that the brain is superior to the heart." -- Stephen Harrod

It's time to administer the #morphine and my dad is careful as he checks to make sure the liquid reaches the faint line on the syringe before we administer. When people hear the "M" word, they get scared, and ask as delicately as they can muster if we are afraid if it will kill her. I want to say there are things worse than death, especially as it relates to what my mother has experienced over these past 16 years, but I simply smile and explain that it is dosed to manage her

Mom's caretaker is enjoying her well-deserved time off for the month, which means she has her second-string helpers reporting for duty the next couple days. Admittedly, I used to dread helping with bathing, but I've come to appreciate the time much more these days, maybe it's because it's a less-frequent task, maybe because any time I still have with my mom feels precious. I'm not sure this is time my mom enjoys as much, especially as she's jostled and flipped by someone I of

Winding down a lovely weekend with a visit to my parents'. Pizza for me and dad, and mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, soup, and OJ with thickener for mom. It's taken some time, but I've been learning to let go of the wishing for the Things That Could've Been, while starting to embrace The Life That Is. That letting go allows me to feel grateful for the quiet visits where I can spend time with my mom and telepathically tell her all the things going on with me, while playing he

It's not just about finding love, it's about holding onto it once you've got it. In good times and bad. In sickness and health. Happy 51st anniversary, mom and dad. Thanks for helping me truly understand the meaning of "devotion." (Definitely a #latergram... Probably circa 2016? When mom was still able to sit at the table with us/eat solid foods. 💛) #earlyonsetalzheimersdisease #earlyonsetalzheimers #dementia #endalz #love #grief #alzheimers #earlyonsetalzheimersawareness #a