Balance her between your eyes
It's hard to say how much time is left; it's always been hard. We didn't talk about it directly, but I know my mom didn't think she'd...
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Sara
- Dec 13, 2021
- 2 min
someday I’ll Find A Home In The Stars
A few years ago, I went to New Orleans where I took a cooking class with a woman who was native to the area. She taught us how to make some of the traditional Cajun meals she grew up with, explaining that for her it wasn't just about the art of cooking, but also about carrying on these recipes that were all but lost with passing generations. This made me think about my own family and the recipes that were precious to us. While I had picked up a few of them along the way, I re
Sara
- Mar 7, 2017
- 1 min
And I broke my heart in two, one for me and one for you
My mom was a very crafty person and loved to crochet. When she first was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, she crocheted all the time, a way to help keep her brain active. As time progressed and the disease began to take hold, it became more difficult to complete the more intricate designs of the squares she created in the months and weeks before. Soon enough, she moved on to making tightly constructed circles. Eventually, she just held the empty needles in her hand, roughly simula
Sara
- Dec 28, 2016
- 4 min
Remember how I said I’d come someday, baby? How I said I’d come around to see you one day?
Sometimes Christmas is about the happiness and joy of the holiday, about the time spent with family and basking in the warmth of that love. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s about accepting the sadness that the holidays can bring, the darkness of the winter, the long nights that give you no choice but to think and reflect, and sometimes, grieve. I guess this Christmas has been more of the latter for me, one where I’ve just been working through my own shit, trying to unde
Sara
- Jun 1, 2014
- 1 min
Call Me By My True Names.
So, I was helping my mom get ready for bed when she reached for my phone. Being that she has a habit of picking up things and wandering with them, I say, “No–don’t touch that. That’s mine.” “Oh, it’s yours?” she says. “Yes.” I reply. “…Nerd.” #alzheimers #family
Sara
- Mar 30, 2014
- 3 min
Silver Linings.
I’ve been posting a lot recently about my recent frustrations and navigations through life lessons learned, but I feel it fair to report that the past couple of weeks have also had their strange silver linings. I recently reverted back to using my maiden name at my job, which is amusing, because this is the one place where the shift back to my old name seems strange. Everyone there knew me from my married name, whereas most other people in my life still referred to me by my “
Sara
- Feb 4, 2014
- 2 min
One of “those” days…
Today is one of those days where the urge of missing my mother came very unexpectedly. It’s been a rather blergh day–everything outside is wearing its finest muted browns, greens, and greys–and internally I’ve been feeling a little stressed and restless. I’ve been working from home today, which is definitely a plus, but a lonely one. There’s been a lot to do, so I’ve pretty much been parked in front of the computer nonstop today, plugging along, trying to get to the next dead
Sara
- Jan 22, 2014
- 1 min
Calgon, Take Me Away.
There are days now where I can completely forget that my mother existed; days where I think I am over her, over the pain of her absences. And then there are moments that bring me right back to her in an instant, and I know that–for better or worse–she’ll never really leave my side. Today was thanks to Mrs. Meyer’s Blue Bell-scented cleaning spray. I’ve used it before and had a slight disdain for it, thinking I just didn’t like the fragrance. It wasn’t until tonight it finally
Sara
- Nov 19, 2013
- 3 min
Now I’m overcome by the light of day; my lips are near but my heart is far away…
“Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.”
― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas I like being awake when the rest of the world is not. It’s one of the few times during the day where I don’t feel some crazy sense of urgency to get somewhere, to do something, to accomplish something before the day is done. I’d like to get better at getting up early, but
Sara
- Aug 28, 2013
- 3 min
Everyone has to eat and no one should feel bad about it.
Note: This actually started as a FB status, but by the time I was finished, I realized it was longer than most the blogs I’ve recently published. Consider this your lucky day, friends–you’re getting a 2-for-1 in posting. I guess this is a “thanks” for sticking by me while I’ve been dormant for so long… *** So, I went to ShopRite tonight–an errand that I *dread*, and tonight was no different–it was crowded, it was chaotic, I was hungry and tired. I just wanted to buy my few it
Sara
- Aug 28, 2013
- 1 min
See? Sometimes Alzheimer’s Can Be Funny…
Today has been a pretty grey day in the Garden State, which means that it was an early day for my dad, who is a farmer. Being that I’m working from home today, I’ve spent the afternoon in front of the computer while my dad and mom sat on the couch and watched the news. Today has not been a good day for my mom–she’s been fairly agitated and not really communicative. At one point she was trembling and near tears. When I’d ask her what was wrong, she would look up at me with a f
Sara
- Apr 6, 2013
- 2 min
The Beat Goes On
The benefits of using music as therapy for Alzheimer’s patients are pretty well documented, but seeing the complete transformation that takes place when my mom listens to music is still pretty extraordinary. My mom was always a very musically inclined person–not only she was a gifted musician who played several instruments (the guitar, the French horn, and the flute, to name a few), but she also just loved listening to a variety of different bands and musicians across genres.
Sara
- Mar 20, 2013
- 3 min
Preserve Your Memories; They’re All That’s Left You
A few nights ago, my brother, his wife, me, and D all sat around their kitchen table, eating dinner together and shooting the shit. It was my brother’s 42nd birthday, and so we were spending the day together, relaxing and hanging out. It also happened to be the day of my cousin’s funeral. To be specific, Jean was my dad’s 2nd cousin–she was also a mother, a wife, a grandmother, an aunt, and a teacher for many, many years. Jean was a tough and funny woman who didn’t mince word
Sara
- Dec 5, 2012
- 2 min
May All Your Christmases Be Bright…
Today the Holiday Music Bracket officially started at my work. My friend Dave and I put it together, using suggestions from our co-workers. For the first round, we had a little fun with the match-ups, pitting songs against each other that created some kind of theme. We had one battle royale of “A Very Motown Christmas,” which had Otis Redding vs The Drifter’s version of “White Christmas.” I had picked the Drifters since that’s been a long-standing favorite of mine, but the mo
Sara
- Oct 31, 2012
- 1 min
And here is love…
I will admit it: There are times where it’s really hard to be married. There are times when I feel like me and my husband are living in two separate worlds, speaking two very different languages, throttling towards the frustrated complacency that so many try to tell you is inevitable after you are married. And then, on a random Tuesday while making dinner, my husband jumps away from his place by the sink and assumes the raptor position and we leave the macaroni to boil on the
Sara
- Oct 21, 2011
- 4 min
never stare up the stairs, just step up the steps…
When I was in second grade, I was enrolled in CCD at our church. The point was to instill me with a more fundamental knowledge of our faith — to help me realize more fully what it meant to believe in God, and what it meant to be Catholic. There was a textbook, with pastel paintings of Jesus and his disciples, helping the sick and feeding the poor. There were tests — memorizing the Commandments and reciting the Our Father. I needed to learn these things to make my first Holy C
Sara
- Oct 4, 2011
- 3 min
5 (+1) things.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to come up with shit to write in here. Granted, once I start writing, I’m good, but finding the topic/inspiration to open WordPress to begin with can be trying. So, I’m going to pick up something I tried before–both in this blog and back when I was a kid: Gratitude postings. Basically, I note 3-5 things from that day that were good/I was grateful for. It’s a good way to help shift perspective, and a good way to take the time to acknowledge some of t
Sara
- Sep 30, 2011
- 4 min
An open letter to Ian Sherr, on the eve of your marriage to my best friend.
Hello, Ian. I guess we knew this day was coming for a while now—although the two of you have been engaged for less than a year, it was pretty clear from the first conversation I had with Laura after her date with “the opera singer” that you’d be sticking around. And perhaps your knowledge of me did not come as soon as that first date, but now, after years and years of visits, and phone calls, and Facebook bantering, well, I’m sure you’ve resolved I’m probably here for the lon
Sara
- Jun 28, 2011
- 2 min
9 years gone, 9 years too long…
When my grandfather died, we all put our own mementos in his casket: sentimental photographs, print-out copies of lyrics to songs, and dirt from the fields he spent decades upon decades tilling, planting, and harvesting. Each was a remembrance, a memory, a hope that maybe these things could help him cross to the other side and us let him. It was our pithy way of feeling like we might have some control over the situation. After the funeral, the burial, the melancholy luncheon
Sara
- Jun 17, 2011
- 3 min
Father knows best
I was probably 9 or 10 years old? I was already working on the farm full-time in the summer, and my cousins and I were making boxes (this process involves this big, stapler machine–at least for the ones that hold the heavier produce). Anyway, as we were working, we noticed this little baby bird had hopped over under the packing shed. This thing was little–barely could open its eyes–and we were worried that it would get hit by one of the forklifts. So, we found a small box, fi
Sara
- Jun 8, 2011
- 2 min
the drugs don’t work/they just make you worse/but I know I’ll see your face again…
In my profession, I have worked directly/indirectly with pharmaceutical companies for about 4 years. This has been a bit of a moral struggle for me, between the animal testing and my feelings about profiting off other people’s pain. I try to remain positive about it–to think that there is a “greater good” to this industry–that these corporations are trying to legitimately help people and aren’t just a larger network of charlatans, peddling snake oil and potions to will cure e
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