Balance her between your eyes
It's hard to say how much time is left; it's always been hard. We didn't talk about it directly, but I know my mom didn't think she'd...
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Sara
- Jan 7, 2022
- 1 min
My Family Breeds Wild Winter Seeds Like Me
He is my shadow and perhaps the creature I've spent the most time with on this earth since September 2020. Precocious and curious, he embodied the "Id" for his first year on this earth. He still does in many ways. But he's growing up and changing, becoming just a little more world-aware every day. Still rambunctious and jealous, perhaps a little feral, but also protective, loving, and forever finding ways to make me laugh in exasperation. I've never met a cat who ran excitedl
Sara
- Nov 17, 2021
- 1 min
Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind...
My dad isn't exactly someone I'd call religious, but there is one popular Bible passage that he often recounted after my mom got sick. . They are fairly popular verses, so much so that they almost feel hackneyed after being printed on countless signs, coffee mugs, and other assorted knick-knacks. But for my dad, they still resonated, and for a while, if he was invited to a wedding, he'd only purchase cards that included them in the sentiments. I was recently cleaning and foun
Sara
- Sep 13, 2021
- 2 min
And I can read the promise In your mind To yourself again, that you will Play the strong one
Before the diagnosis, but not too far off from it, my senior year of college. Knowing what we know now, there were already signs that something was wrong--depression and mood swings and odd behavior that didn't totally feel like my mom. There are symptoms to this disease that aren't talked about often--becoming withdrawn, paranoia. My mom didn't want to interact with our family in the same way she had before. She became more sullen, more reserved. I thought maybe she was havi
Sara
- Aug 31, 2021
- 2 min
And it's the same face, Your heart keeps breaking in the same place
"By locating our consciousness in only one biological oscillator, the brain, we have blinded ourselves to perceptions that have been common to human beings since they emerged from this Earth. In gaining a reductionist understanding of the world, we lost touch with the essential nature of the Earth and ourselves… How much of life have I wasted by believing the thing I was taught, that thinking is what makes us better, that the brain is superior to the heart." -- Stephen Harrod
Sara
- Aug 25, 2021
- 1 min
We'll you thought about leaving and I bet you will That morphine kills the pain I feel.
It's time to administer the #morphine and my dad is careful as he checks to make sure the liquid reaches the faint line on the syringe before we administer. When people hear the "M" word, they get scared, and ask as delicately as they can muster if we are afraid if it will kill her. I want to say there are things worse than death, especially as it relates to what my mother has experienced over these past 16 years, but I simply smile and explain that it is dosed to manage her
Sara
- Aug 16, 2021
- 2 min
I'll Never Let Go Of Your Hand
Mom's caretaker is enjoying her well-deserved time off for the month, which means she has her second-string helpers reporting for duty the next couple days. Admittedly, I used to dread helping with bathing, but I've come to appreciate the time much more these days, maybe it's because it's a less-frequent task, maybe because any time I still have with my mom feels precious. I'm not sure this is time my mom enjoys as much, especially as she's jostled and flipped by someone I of
Sara
- Jul 11, 2021
- 1 min
I wasn't looking, but oh I found A gap in the clouds, the sun comes out
Winding down a lovely weekend with a visit to my parents'. Pizza for me and dad, and mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, soup, and OJ with thickener for mom. It's taken some time, but I've been learning to let go of the wishing for the Things That Could've Been, while starting to embrace The Life That Is. That letting go allows me to feel grateful for the quiet visits where I can spend time with my mom and telepathically tell her all the things going on with me, while playing he
Sara
- Jun 28, 2021
- 1 min
You can send me to hell, But I'll never let go of your hand
It's not just about finding love, it's about holding onto it once you've got it. In good times and bad. In sickness and health. Happy 51st anniversary, mom and dad. Thanks for helping me truly understand the meaning of "devotion." (Definitely a #latergram... Probably circa 2016? When mom was still able to sit at the table with us/eat solid foods. 💛) #earlyonsetalzheimersdisease #earlyonsetalzheimers #dementia #endalz #love #grief #alzheimers #earlyonsetalzheimersawareness #a
Sara
- Apr 12, 2019
- 2 min
People living on twenty four hour clocks, but we’re on a ride, yes we’re on a ride, we’re on a ride
#realtalk: It’s been a rough week coming back after the #alzforum for a whole lot of reasons, but a very big one I’m just finally able to mentally articulate is the unexpected feelings and emotions the whole thing managed to dredge up for me. It has been 14 years of my mom having #alzheimers. 14 years of unraveling and caretaking and forgetting–not just her, but also me. Forgetting the parts of her that were so bright and lovely, that without will always leave some part of my
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